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Saturday, May 08, 2004 okie this is for today's blog..came over early in the morning to help yoon move her room..she's got an amazing amount of stuff..saw jacky oso.weird..haven't seen him for like real long...felt like whacking him for introducing zk to me and leading me to such a wreck but no.. i realised i appreciate the good times..but i feel real sad den we nv got ard to treating him.told me zk in sydney..gd..i'm no longer a part of his life.. i dun need to noe anithing..u noe wat a contradiction it is? to want to noe but yet scared to noe? it's me. i feel like crying all day long...my book's not helping..but i'm holding back..going to zouk later, got free entry, that's the onli reason why i'm going...hate house. gonna let it go..knock some alcohol in my system..but everytime i say it, i just can't...i can't bear the sight of couples dirty dancing while i just bob to the music and all the guys ard are just wanting to get a piece of you while they are high and horny..and when the alcohol wears off, you've just been taken advantage of. Zouk's a sad place.where we got attached and 1st held hands....i hate the place...but i've got nowhere to go...you noe how a place is so crowded but makes you so empty at the same time? noe how alcohol numbs you but yet makes you soooo depressed? so many things going on in our lives..i'm trying so fucking hard to get on.but it's so fucking hard.wished i dun harbour ani morefeelings...wished i could just be non-chalent like him and be happy....i just can't let it go..once intertwined lives going parallel from now on... i'm waiting for the day when i wake up not thinking about him..i hate every single moment awake...i feel myself writhing in pain...
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