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Monday, May 31, 2004 Sunday: woke up breathless.. a lil' dream of you and me, the good old times. couldn't take it, got outta the hse. went meet sim to get a bk: Shogun..tink it'd be a pretty gd read. i love reading. whenever my mind starts wandering, i just throw myself into the literary world. it's like a lil emergency escape route for me..read read read..read till i feel betta then get on w my lil' life. Watched eternal sunshine of a spotless mind. felt so much for it. the scenes were all jumbled up, sorta like memento..= i like..made me think so much.. it's abt this man erasing his memory of his partner aft reasling his partner had erased him. i wished i could go through the process, tho it's fictitious. As the plot unravels, realised there is so much u wished you would forget coz' they were so wonderful, but yet there's a lil' part of you that resist erasing it. (isn't there the irony of pple wanting to forget the good times so that they could get on w their lives? i noe i'm a lil irony myself) Selective memory? there's so much btw two pple, it's beyond all the paraphernalia in a room that reminds you of all the good times(pretty much junked my dead flowers, kept our photos, locked the loveletters drawer), but yet you can't hide. All those memories transcends physical objects. it's not that easy to get over somebody. i'm at a stage like that. resigned, for once i'm not in denial. it seems like i've been erased from his brain map, what other choices do i have if i dun go thru the same procedure? do i want to bask in the misery of it all, knowing full well that u nv existed in his universe? even time doesn't help. time heals wounds, but it doesn't let you forget that you were ever so wounded. i refuse to talk abt it or think abt it. but does it not linger at the back of my head like a ghost? Do i still love him? i dunno, love is sucha complicated word. lost trust in its existence. Do i still care about him? I do. but he doesn't need my care. Do i still miss hiM? every moment of the day and nite. Do i want to get back w him? No. it's better this way for us. Would i be happier if he nv came into my life? No. he changed me into a much betta person and i thank God for that. enough of this sad talk. went out w class aft movie. ate at citylink nooch. been having class din every wk. good. dun remember us ever been so close as now. ha. had 10 scoops of ice cream at cartel and lotsa cookie chunks. real sinful stuff. dad came pick me up. crashed out for 12 hrs straight.
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