| twisted one. | |
|
Monday, January 16, 2012 So it's been 7 months, I thought i'd have moved on.. I thought being in a foreign land and a new environment will make things so much better and easier.. It's been easier but not better. Being in this unique situation that I put myself in, i struggle. I think of him every few days, of the wonderful memories we've had.. and i really wished things could have been different. It felt so right, it was so easy falling in love, life was good.. I underestimated all his actions and never duly appreciated him for all he was to me.Maybe it's nostalgia getting the better of me.. One keeps thinking, "there must be a better one out there", maybe there is.. but you'll have to go through the world to find/wait for that one. Maybe you'll never come to THAT one. Seeing all my friends settling down, I'm really happy for them, but it's been unnerving for me as well.. I could have stayed with him for another 5-10years but why doesn't he want to marry me? It's not a commitment issue because there was 100% fidelity, i think it's just me, that i'm not the right one for him.. Seeing some of the marriages around me where there are cheating parties, i sometimes wonder "marriage isn't the end game, it's just the beginning". We had something good going, why do i have to insist on settling down? It's just conforming to social pressures. But at the same time, why is he depriving me of all girls' dreams of being able to walk down the aisle in a bridal gown on a special day? Of having the next stage in a relationship rather than a plateau of commitment? *OK all these are really raw and contradictory emotions* I tell myself, "Please have faith, that God has the right plans for you, you may not understand it now but it's all leading to somewhere that will bring you happiness and fulfillment. The experiences along the way help to mold and prepare you for the future, be thankful for that".
|
about Nik aka Munch aka Corporate Slave... archives 05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004 links - eu - |